Mollena on needing a cheerleader

Mollena @ The Perverted Negress writes about how it feels to have her new Domly partner be proud of her achievements.

The whole piece is brilliant, and interesting to me because coming at it from a Dom perspective, nevertheless, there’s a lot that resonates for me about how I relate to others (obviously, it’s not coming from a space of “Black girl in the USA”, being neither Black nor girl nor USAian, so the odds were skewed rather more in my favour than not, but still some of the other emotional cadences ring true).

The “nail-on-the-head” soundbite from it, for me anyway, is:

The reality is? I am needy. I need attention. Focus. Touch. An entire fucking cheerleading section and I need my love to be proud of me, and to shore me up when I stumble in my work to stand on my own self-worth with unfettered resolve.

I am not perfect, so sometimes I fall short of being that uplifting proud-of-you Dom (when in a relationship) but it is still what I naturally lean towards or aspire to be. Thinking of “stumbling in my work to stand on my own self-worth”, of course as soon as the question is raised I think of all the times when I was all “don’t get cocky” instead of the many more, and longer-lasting, periods of, like, “wow, you did amazingly/are amazing”.

The tricky part is balancing those terms when I turn them on myself, or finding others who do.

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About ValeryNorth

I overthink everything.
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