So, last night I had a dream that almost made sense and was a detective story of sorts. It seems worth retelling it, so here goes:
It started with me walking down the shopping centre, which was definitely in Cambridge, except that the shops and the layout were all wrong for the actual shopping centres in Cambridge so it can’t have been. As shall become clear, it also definitely wasn’t in Cambridge but it was both in the US and in the UK. Yeah, this shopping centre had issues with its identity.
Outside, it was getting dark.
Anyway, I went past Waterstones the book store (except, as shall become clear, this was not Waterstones as we know it), on my way to another book shop. But I decided that I may as well buy my books there fore a change, in the spirit of paying for new things that I want to go on being made (that was a strong thought in my dream-head). So I went in the second entrance, a couple of shops down, and headed for the top floor, where the fiction books were, and the staircase led back towards where the first entrance was (but higher up).
At the top, a second set of stairs led back down to the first entrance, or I could turn left and go into the fiction section. But then I noticed rows of 1p and 2p coins lined up on their edges at the very tops of the shelves lining the staircase back to the first entrance. I turned to the Latina cop/security guard/detective (her exact job role was unclear, and at times during the dream she wore a uniform and at times she wore plain clothes, but she was definitely a cop of some sort, except when I first spoke to her, when she was definitely the mall security guard, and wore a uniform). I asked her about the rows of coins. She took one look and said, “We should never be running low on coppers!” and hit a big, red, emergency lockdown button. It was clear from the low number of coins remaining that there must be a Serious Robbery in progress and the thieves were getting away with the copper coins!
The lights went out immediately, and the door shutters came crashing down. I was plunged into darkness and could see nothing. However, I could hear the police officer (she remained a police officer or police detective from this point on) explaining the situation on her radio, and there were people rushing about in the dark. The cops seemed to have night vision goggles. Or torches. It wasn’t clear which. Anyway, after a few minutes the lights came back on. No sign of stolen coins.
Latina cop (let’s call her LC for short) announced, “This must have been a distraction so that when the lights were out, they could steal something bigger!” The cops followed her down the stairs to meet the senior detective, a fat scruffy White bloke with a cigar, a hat and a notebook (terribly stereotypical, I’m afraid – even LC looked suspiciously like an actress I’d seen playing the same kind of role in some TV show or other).
LC told him what had happened, adding, “We need to figure out what they were after!” He chewed on his cigar and gave the order. As it happened, I (my identity was beginning to merge with LC from this point on) noticed that in the sporting goods section (like I said, this wasn’t like any Waterstones I’ve ever been in!) there were several empty display racks, around which were realistic imitation firearms (BB guns, but illegal to sell in the UK!) and archery equipment, as well as hockey sticks and cricket bats, and various sports balls. LC recognised that the display racks were shaped to display canoes, kayaks and paddles – but they were all missing! The thieves hadn’t been after weapons, or if they had,m they hadn’t taken many. They wanted the canoes. But what for? (That question never got answered in the dream.)
LC was obviously suspicious of Stereotypical Detective (SD). When they first met, she asked him what he had been doing and he looked flustered. She went back to talk to him about the missing canoes. He was eating a massive chocolate muffin with cream (it looked absolutely delicious). The box it came in rattled. Inside were several copper coins! He’d added some 20p pieces as well, but LC was really suspicious. SD’s answers were evasive. Finally, though, he said, “You haven’t got nearly enough to pin anything on me.” Now LC was sure he was the inside man on the job. She told her colleagues in uniform as much, “Now we know what to look for!”
Dangling from the ceiling above the staircase was a microphone tied with black rope. “Look, only someone who could see in the dark could have tied that so well,” LC explained, “I bet if we examine the rope, we’ll find DNA.” And they did, and SD was a perfect match. LC had solved the case, and was sure she could get SD to crack under interrogation.
But at that point, I woke up. I never got to find out who the rest of the gang were or why they wanted canoes and kayaks.