Musings on where kink comes from

The Domming while Damaged post really goes as far as I’m willing to go in investigating publicly my “kinky origin story”. I prefer to cling to the “innate” or “natural” Dom story because it’s better for self-care than the alternative. The bad things may have led to a good place, but I would prefer to think of the good things as coming from something essentially “me”.

In general, I think there are multiple origins that lead to results that fall within the broad scope of the collection of traits, tastes, kinks and whatnot that the acronym BDSM encompasses. Almost, it seems ridiculous to suggest that there is only one type of cause for so many widely variant things, even if there are underlying themes that can group them together.

There’s science that suggests some traits result from a genetic predisposition that is dormant until certain environmental or social triggers activate them. I sometimes think that BDSM inclinations may, in some people, be like this. It would certainly explain why there are so many counter-examples to any single explanation. It might also explain how some people discover kink interest much later. My intuition would be that there are varying sizes of influences: some people are predominantly psychological causes and others only needed a little nudge or hint to find it interesting, and some are more-or-less evenly balanced. Maybe the genetic influence determines how a person will respond to the psychological causes and whether they will tilt towards or away from kink. Maybe the genetic predisposition just lies waiting for exposure to a kink-related impetus, and some people with the genetic predisposition never encounter the right sort of “push”. And of course, there could be many different types of “push” or impetus, some of them negative (as discussed in the “Domming while Damaged” post) but many of them could be perfectly positive, or at least, neutral.

I absolutely don’t believe that anybody could become a Dom or a Sub, a sadist or a masochist, a “bondage bunny” or a “rope master”, a “little” or a “Big” (for example, babygirl or Daddy). And so on. Some people, I believe, could become any or all of those, given the right conditions. Some people, I think, would never enjoy any of these roles or activities. Most (or at least, most who are predisposed to kinkiness), I think, are likely to have somewhere in the range of roles and identities where they naturally gravitate and when kink comes on their radar, they start to find their way in that direction. There may be other attractors but some things pull more than others (for instance, I gravitate towards Dominance, but certainly enjoy Subbing from time to time). And again, the nature of the gravitation could be genetic (one might argue that masochism might be a difference in brain structure, for example), environmental/experiential, or some combination that shapes which kinks work and which don’t.

That’s all conjecture, my own guess at what’s going on. All I know for sure is that it’s complicated and most attempts to explain it don’t seem to allow for that.


About ValeryNorth

I overthink everything.
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